I am trying to find new websites, trolling to see if I can find something beyond what I normally read. I am finding that I am coming across things the are moving me into spirituality, though not religion. I came across The Happiness Project's site and this got me to thinking that I have never put the list all in one place. What themes really make me go squishy with dismay? What makes me want to cover my head with a pillow and screw my eyes tight so I don't have to see it? I hadn't ever laid it all out what are the situations/themes/traits that make me cringe. Here is the list I have come up with thus far:
Weakness
Thoughtless-ness
Carelessness
Selfishness
Rigidity
lack of empathy and sympathy
Injustice
lack of follow through
Snottiness
Intolerance
Ugliness
Repression
Suppression
Mis-communication
This is not to say that I am perfect. I am so very far from perfect. It is hard to stay centered all the time and not let feelings sneak up on me that are less than zen. Or even to say that I have the best follow through. I am terrible with the follow through, and this is why these are the things that drive me particularly crazy. I can be amazingly selfish at times, but I strive to be better than that. I am trying hard to be aware of those around me and their struggles, and I think I remember most of the time to take that into consideration when dealing with someone else's drama. I am a work in progress, I am evolving, but I wonder when it will be natural to me and how I will know when I am there?
Friday, April 16, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Fist post back
I get these blocks sometimes. The muse leaves and whatever creative juices I had are gone. It is always at a most critical moment too. I'm working on it, and here is the blog post to prove it. I am just going to post a few things as they go through my head. They are sure to be disjointed and have no bearing on one another, but that is the way I think.
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It had been so long since I had been to my own blog, that I had to find a post I'd made on a site to link back to it. That is very sad. I should know the web address by heart. Then again, I have a really hard time remembering the password to my online bank account.
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I thought this map was pretty. A little scary too when I think about the fact that I like all those fast food places. I know that the food is terrible for my body, but those french fries. Why does Ronald McDonald have to be such and excellent chef? Yum...
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This is my friend, Peyton's review of Alice in Wonderland from Facebook:
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It had been so long since I had been to my own blog, that I had to find a post I'd made on a site to link back to it. That is very sad. I should know the web address by heart. Then again, I have a really hard time remembering the password to my online bank account.
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I thought this map was pretty. A little scary too when I think about the fact that I like all those fast food places. I know that the food is terrible for my body, but those french fries. Why does Ronald McDonald have to be such and excellent chef? Yum...
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This is my friend, Peyton's review of Alice in Wonderland from Facebook:
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Chapter 2
“Well, Well,” Lily said with a smile. “A real live sheriff. Thank you, sir, but I think I can manage by myself.”
“You can bring your friend there with you if you don’t trust me, but it isn’t a good idea for a young woman, such as yourself to be spending the night outdoors. You have already made an enemy in Travis Baker. And he isn’t bright, but he is strong.” The sheriff regarded her with curiosity. How had this tiny little woman handled those four men so deftly? He took in her little boots and her bonnet that was servicalbe, but not fashionable just like her coat. A little smile played around his lips, as he thought of the beating he was sure Travis’ ego was taking at the saloon.
“Is something funny, Sheriff?” Lily asked stiffly. He had been staring at her which made her uncomfortable, but when he had started to smile like that it had made her down right nervous.
“Nothing funny, just thinking that while you can certainly take care of yourself, there is no need to sleep out in the cold when I have a perfectly good guest room and food.”
“I think, Lily, that it would be a good idea for you to go,” Stewart said in his quiet way. Matt looked up at the man who was obviously a friend to the woman he kept calling Lily. He wondered how close they were, but he didn’t ask. It was his experience that people talked about themselves after a time.
Lily stood undecided for a moment, then walked over to her friend and talked to him in a voice low enough that Matt couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could imagine that the man was trying to convince her to stay with him.
He was trying to remember when he had last put sheets on the guest bed when he saw The man put his hand on Lily’s shoulders and then spin her around toward him. When she didn’t start toward him immediately, the man gave her a little push of encouragement, and she came up haltingly.
“Mr. Stewart there has made me...”she coughed lighly, and shrugged her shoulders a few times, trying to undo the knot of tension that had formed there. She was nervous about the fact that she would be sharing the house with him and hs wife. SHe had traveled enough of the country to know that campingout could be a possiblity because about 80% of the places they had traveled to wouldn’t allow her to stay in their hotels. But there had never been someone to keep that from happening and the sheriff had suprised her with an offer to stay at his house. Her worry was about how his wife mightfeel about her staying with them. A stranger who was a woman was bad enough to set a sane woman crazy, but a negro woman would make her go ballistic! “That is, he made me realize that i would be...grateful... to accept your offer.” SHe turned back to lok at the big gentle looking man behind her and then turned back to him. “So thank you, I would be honored.”
She had said it in a voice that spoke of a middle class education, which made Matt even more curious about her. He gave her a smile that crinkled the sides of his eyes. They were some kind of light color, but she couldn’t tell in the dim light what the exact color was.
“It’s my pleasure,” He said warmly.
She turned around and waved to Stewart. “He said it was alright,” she called. Stewart came down from the porch and shook his hand.
“Stewart McGovern,”he introduced himself.
“Matt Gardener.” He noticed that Stewart squeezed his hand a little more forcefully than necessary. Matt liked him right away.
“Take good care of her,” Stewart said. “She’s a handful.”
“Stewart!” she said like a petulant child.
“Where do you live, sheriff?” Stewart gave Matt an easy smile. He seemed to relax once they had shaken hands, and that made Lily wonder about the kind of man this Matt Gardener must be. Stewart was inherently distrustful of most people, especially where she was concerned.
“At the north end of town,” Matt said easily.
“Which house at the north end?” Lily asked. It wasn’t as if they had been in town for a long time. It seemed presumptuous that he would think they would know which house he lived in.
“There is only one house, so it’s not hard to find. If your friend needs us you aren’t too far from here. The walk isn’t far, but since I have my horse right here...” he let his voice trail off with the implications. Lily gave a nod to let him know that she understood that they would be riding together.
“Bye, Stewart,” she said with a wave. She watched him twist his hat in his hand.
“I’ll come get you in the morning,” he promised.
“It makes more sense for me to come back here, then we can go on to Denver, alright?”
“Are you alright with this?” Stewart nodded his head in the sheriff’s direction as he put on his hat. Lily grinned and shrugged.
“I’m certain that I’ll be fine. He seems lke a decent human being. And it is better than sleeping outside. Don’t worry about me, I can handle myself,” she said .
“It’s not you that I’m worried about.” He tipped his hat to Lily and then looked over her shoulder to Matt who had stepped away from them to give them privacy. “Goodnight,” he called out.
“‘Night, Mr. McGovern. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Lily walked toward Matt, her little head held high. He let her get right up to him then he put his hands on her waist. She gasped in surprise, and he chuckled.
“I thought you might need a hand getting up here,” he said, his voice low.
“Thank you, Sheriff. I appreciate it.” He lifted her easily onto the saddle, then swung up behind her and clicked his tongue when they were ready to go. the horse started off at a trot, and Matt bit his lip to keep from laughing at the way she held her back ramrod straight. She was funny, this little woman with a big attitude and the pretty heart shaped face.
“So what kind of man invites a woman he doesn’t know to his house to spend the night?” she asked, but the question was whipped away on the wind that was starting to pick up. He thought he saw a snowflake fly past them.
“I’m sorry, what?” He asked. She turned her face toward him, her cheek brushing the rough wool of his coat. the warmth of him made her want to keep her face there, but she only kept it in place as long as was necessary.
“I asked what kind of a man invites a woman he doesn’t know to his home. I could be a robber.” The feel of him was unnerving her. He was all hard muscle and soapy smells. It wasn’t a stretch to say that she was attracted to him.
“You’re not a robber,” he said confidently. He pulled the reigns to steer the horse to the right, letting a buggy pass by. There was something right about the way his arms felt around her. “I get paid to figure out what kind of person someone is. I’m pretty good at it too.”
“Are you?”
“Yup. That’s why I have been the sheriff for so long.”
Lily let that information sink in while they rode along in silence. Though she would have been unwilling to say so, she was glad Matt had invited her along to stay in his house. It was freezing outside. SHe had heard that the weather in Colorado could change on a dime, but she didn’t realize how true that was.
“What makes you come to Excellence?” He asked after a few minutes. They had passed through the heart of town and he made a right at the cross street that was lined by pretty little cottages. The town wasn’t big, but the people obviously took pride in where they lived.
“Business,” she said shortly.
“And what kind of business are you in exactly?” He guided the horse a quarter mile down the road, and Lilly watched as the houses grew fewer and farther between them. A two story house stood at the top of a hill, and the way he spurred the horse toward it led her to believe that this was the sheriff’s house. There was a light in the window, and Lilly thought that the warmth of the house would be welcomed now. Her toes had lost feeling back before they had left town.
“I find things and I find people,” she said finally.
“So what are you finding on this trip?” they arrived in front of a barn, and Matt swung a leg off his horse, being careful not to kick Lilly, and then he helped her slide off.
“A person,” she answered simply. She followed him into the barn and while he put away the horse he called Cass, she settled onto a bale of hay and held her coat around her to ward off the chill from the opened barn doors. She was sure that it would warm up once he shut them.
“What person?” He put away the tack, and saddle, then turned to her and saw that she was gazing at him drowsily.
“Someone in Denver,” She said with a yawn. “Could you close the door on your way out?” She slumped back into the grassy smelling hay. “Thank you, Sheriff.”
“You want to sleep in the barn?” His brows furrowed and he shook his head. “I have a perfectly good guest bed in the house. You will be warmer in there.”
Lilly stood up and stretched. “I don’t get invited into houses very often as you can imagine, so I never presume that I will be invited inside. Most of the time a barn is as good as any place, and certainly better than outside. Especially on a night like tonight.”
“Well, you are a guest in my house, and you will stay in the guest room,” Matt said with finality.
“I appreciate it, Sheriff. It is mighty cold tonight, and the thought of sleeping outside in a barn or a tent seems less than appealing. Thank you.” She said shyly. They stood facing one another, and for a few heartbeats neither said a word, but they didn’t have to. An understanding passed between the two of them, and she gave him a little nod.
“There aren’t too many decent folks out there. If you don’t mind me saying so,” Matt said easily.
“But the ones who are turn up when you need them most,” she said quietly.
Matt cleared his throat with a nod, and asked her to follow him to the house so that he could get her something to eat, and introduce her to Susan and Sarah.
Lilly’s heart stilled for a moment thinking that she may be put into the barn after all, but she shook the thoughts away. At the very least she was going to get a good meal out of the night and that was enough to be thankful for.
“You can bring your friend there with you if you don’t trust me, but it isn’t a good idea for a young woman, such as yourself to be spending the night outdoors. You have already made an enemy in Travis Baker. And he isn’t bright, but he is strong.” The sheriff regarded her with curiosity. How had this tiny little woman handled those four men so deftly? He took in her little boots and her bonnet that was servicalbe, but not fashionable just like her coat. A little smile played around his lips, as he thought of the beating he was sure Travis’ ego was taking at the saloon.
“Is something funny, Sheriff?” Lily asked stiffly. He had been staring at her which made her uncomfortable, but when he had started to smile like that it had made her down right nervous.
“Nothing funny, just thinking that while you can certainly take care of yourself, there is no need to sleep out in the cold when I have a perfectly good guest room and food.”
“I think, Lily, that it would be a good idea for you to go,” Stewart said in his quiet way. Matt looked up at the man who was obviously a friend to the woman he kept calling Lily. He wondered how close they were, but he didn’t ask. It was his experience that people talked about themselves after a time.
Lily stood undecided for a moment, then walked over to her friend and talked to him in a voice low enough that Matt couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could imagine that the man was trying to convince her to stay with him.
He was trying to remember when he had last put sheets on the guest bed when he saw The man put his hand on Lily’s shoulders and then spin her around toward him. When she didn’t start toward him immediately, the man gave her a little push of encouragement, and she came up haltingly.
“Mr. Stewart there has made me...”she coughed lighly, and shrugged her shoulders a few times, trying to undo the knot of tension that had formed there. She was nervous about the fact that she would be sharing the house with him and hs wife. SHe had traveled enough of the country to know that campingout could be a possiblity because about 80% of the places they had traveled to wouldn’t allow her to stay in their hotels. But there had never been someone to keep that from happening and the sheriff had suprised her with an offer to stay at his house. Her worry was about how his wife mightfeel about her staying with them. A stranger who was a woman was bad enough to set a sane woman crazy, but a negro woman would make her go ballistic! “That is, he made me realize that i would be...grateful... to accept your offer.” SHe turned back to lok at the big gentle looking man behind her and then turned back to him. “So thank you, I would be honored.”
She had said it in a voice that spoke of a middle class education, which made Matt even more curious about her. He gave her a smile that crinkled the sides of his eyes. They were some kind of light color, but she couldn’t tell in the dim light what the exact color was.
“It’s my pleasure,” He said warmly.
She turned around and waved to Stewart. “He said it was alright,” she called. Stewart came down from the porch and shook his hand.
“Stewart McGovern,”he introduced himself.
“Matt Gardener.” He noticed that Stewart squeezed his hand a little more forcefully than necessary. Matt liked him right away.
“Take good care of her,” Stewart said. “She’s a handful.”
“Stewart!” she said like a petulant child.
“Where do you live, sheriff?” Stewart gave Matt an easy smile. He seemed to relax once they had shaken hands, and that made Lily wonder about the kind of man this Matt Gardener must be. Stewart was inherently distrustful of most people, especially where she was concerned.
“At the north end of town,” Matt said easily.
“Which house at the north end?” Lily asked. It wasn’t as if they had been in town for a long time. It seemed presumptuous that he would think they would know which house he lived in.
“There is only one house, so it’s not hard to find. If your friend needs us you aren’t too far from here. The walk isn’t far, but since I have my horse right here...” he let his voice trail off with the implications. Lily gave a nod to let him know that she understood that they would be riding together.
“Bye, Stewart,” she said with a wave. She watched him twist his hat in his hand.
“I’ll come get you in the morning,” he promised.
“It makes more sense for me to come back here, then we can go on to Denver, alright?”
“Are you alright with this?” Stewart nodded his head in the sheriff’s direction as he put on his hat. Lily grinned and shrugged.
“I’m certain that I’ll be fine. He seems lke a decent human being. And it is better than sleeping outside. Don’t worry about me, I can handle myself,” she said .
“It’s not you that I’m worried about.” He tipped his hat to Lily and then looked over her shoulder to Matt who had stepped away from them to give them privacy. “Goodnight,” he called out.
“‘Night, Mr. McGovern. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Lily walked toward Matt, her little head held high. He let her get right up to him then he put his hands on her waist. She gasped in surprise, and he chuckled.
“I thought you might need a hand getting up here,” he said, his voice low.
“Thank you, Sheriff. I appreciate it.” He lifted her easily onto the saddle, then swung up behind her and clicked his tongue when they were ready to go. the horse started off at a trot, and Matt bit his lip to keep from laughing at the way she held her back ramrod straight. She was funny, this little woman with a big attitude and the pretty heart shaped face.
“So what kind of man invites a woman he doesn’t know to his house to spend the night?” she asked, but the question was whipped away on the wind that was starting to pick up. He thought he saw a snowflake fly past them.
“I’m sorry, what?” He asked. She turned her face toward him, her cheek brushing the rough wool of his coat. the warmth of him made her want to keep her face there, but she only kept it in place as long as was necessary.
“I asked what kind of a man invites a woman he doesn’t know to his home. I could be a robber.” The feel of him was unnerving her. He was all hard muscle and soapy smells. It wasn’t a stretch to say that she was attracted to him.
“You’re not a robber,” he said confidently. He pulled the reigns to steer the horse to the right, letting a buggy pass by. There was something right about the way his arms felt around her. “I get paid to figure out what kind of person someone is. I’m pretty good at it too.”
“Are you?”
“Yup. That’s why I have been the sheriff for so long.”
Lily let that information sink in while they rode along in silence. Though she would have been unwilling to say so, she was glad Matt had invited her along to stay in his house. It was freezing outside. SHe had heard that the weather in Colorado could change on a dime, but she didn’t realize how true that was.
“What makes you come to Excellence?” He asked after a few minutes. They had passed through the heart of town and he made a right at the cross street that was lined by pretty little cottages. The town wasn’t big, but the people obviously took pride in where they lived.
“Business,” she said shortly.
“And what kind of business are you in exactly?” He guided the horse a quarter mile down the road, and Lilly watched as the houses grew fewer and farther between them. A two story house stood at the top of a hill, and the way he spurred the horse toward it led her to believe that this was the sheriff’s house. There was a light in the window, and Lilly thought that the warmth of the house would be welcomed now. Her toes had lost feeling back before they had left town.
“I find things and I find people,” she said finally.
“So what are you finding on this trip?” they arrived in front of a barn, and Matt swung a leg off his horse, being careful not to kick Lilly, and then he helped her slide off.
“A person,” she answered simply. She followed him into the barn and while he put away the horse he called Cass, she settled onto a bale of hay and held her coat around her to ward off the chill from the opened barn doors. She was sure that it would warm up once he shut them.
“What person?” He put away the tack, and saddle, then turned to her and saw that she was gazing at him drowsily.
“Someone in Denver,” She said with a yawn. “Could you close the door on your way out?” She slumped back into the grassy smelling hay. “Thank you, Sheriff.”
“You want to sleep in the barn?” His brows furrowed and he shook his head. “I have a perfectly good guest bed in the house. You will be warmer in there.”
Lilly stood up and stretched. “I don’t get invited into houses very often as you can imagine, so I never presume that I will be invited inside. Most of the time a barn is as good as any place, and certainly better than outside. Especially on a night like tonight.”
“Well, you are a guest in my house, and you will stay in the guest room,” Matt said with finality.
“I appreciate it, Sheriff. It is mighty cold tonight, and the thought of sleeping outside in a barn or a tent seems less than appealing. Thank you.” She said shyly. They stood facing one another, and for a few heartbeats neither said a word, but they didn’t have to. An understanding passed between the two of them, and she gave him a little nod.
“There aren’t too many decent folks out there. If you don’t mind me saying so,” Matt said easily.
“But the ones who are turn up when you need them most,” she said quietly.
Matt cleared his throat with a nod, and asked her to follow him to the house so that he could get her something to eat, and introduce her to Susan and Sarah.
Lilly’s heart stilled for a moment thinking that she may be put into the barn after all, but she shook the thoughts away. At the very least she was going to get a good meal out of the night and that was enough to be thankful for.
NaNoWriMo
So I am writing a new story, and I am trying to squeeze out a few pages a day. Who know that it was going to be this difficult for me. I think I may have ADD. I get distracted with the internets and by the TV (I have started working where there is absolutely no television...but I can't give up my NPR!), and then my mind starts to wander. I swear, I wonder sometimes how I got through school with this lack of attention span.
So far, I like the story I am writing. There is lots of dialogue and the characters have been coming along pretty organically. I like when it is this easy. I have gotten 12 pages done so far and I am feeling pretty proud of myself.
So far, I like the story I am writing. There is lots of dialogue and the characters have been coming along pretty organically. I like when it is this easy. I have gotten 12 pages done so far and I am feeling pretty proud of myself.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Forgive me, but the folksy "one-of-us" vibe that is supposed to waft off of Sarah Palin is a little too much for me. I WANT the president to be smarter than me. I want them to be an expert in law and The Constitution, and the way to schmoose the people they will have to work with. It is one thing to have a disagreement with a neighbor on the personal level, and it is another thing entirely to have a disagreement with a country that can hurt your citizens.
I want a president that knows the history of the other countries he/she is dealing with. I want them to be open minded enough to accept cultural differences and not react out of fear and misunderstanding, to know that they are intelligent enough to seek out knowledge rather than listen to their gut alone.
I want someone who can inspire me with words and deeds and can be someone that I look up too for their humanity and intelligence.
It was AWESOME to see Joey the Shark outwit her and talk straight while she talked around the issues. Well, all the issues but gay marriage. She was to the point about that. To use her "facts" against her, and to have the sprited debate that I had been hoping the presidential debate would be last week, and what I hope it will be next week.
Did I think Sarah Palin did well? Of course I did. She was much better spoken than I dreamed she would be and the debate was hugely entertaining, but she didn't change my mind about her on anything that may have swayed me. I am still firmly in the Obama camp and I can't wait until he paints the white house black.
I want a president that knows the history of the other countries he/she is dealing with. I want them to be open minded enough to accept cultural differences and not react out of fear and misunderstanding, to know that they are intelligent enough to seek out knowledge rather than listen to their gut alone.
I want someone who can inspire me with words and deeds and can be someone that I look up too for their humanity and intelligence.
It was AWESOME to see Joey the Shark outwit her and talk straight while she talked around the issues. Well, all the issues but gay marriage. She was to the point about that. To use her "facts" against her, and to have the sprited debate that I had been hoping the presidential debate would be last week, and what I hope it will be next week.
Did I think Sarah Palin did well? Of course I did. She was much better spoken than I dreamed she would be and the debate was hugely entertaining, but she didn't change my mind about her on anything that may have swayed me. I am still firmly in the Obama camp and I can't wait until he paints the white house black.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
My one year challenge
so, with the sate of the economy and all the money stuff that I have been reading, i have decided that to get the family out of debt (not that we have that much, but any debt makes me uncomfortable) i will spend a year shopping at only Target. I know that I could probably cut our bills down further by going to Walmart, but to be frank, I hate that place. No matter how clean and friendly it looks on the commercials, I have yet to visit one where there weren't babies running around in nothing but a diaper, and where the greeters actually greeted.A little low rent for my taste.
This has formed the decision to shop at Target. I figure it has literally everything, and if it isn't there then I probably don't need it. Also, it seems like I am always there, so I will take advatage of something that has been in my repetoire all along. This should be an interesting little experiment, I'm not quite certain of my goals, beyond money saving, but I am sure they will be revealed as I go along.
This has formed the decision to shop at Target. I figure it has literally everything, and if it isn't there then I probably don't need it. Also, it seems like I am always there, so I will take advatage of something that has been in my repetoire all along. This should be an interesting little experiment, I'm not quite certain of my goals, beyond money saving, but I am sure they will be revealed as I go along.
Monday, March 17, 2008
anyone want to see the next installment of
Excellence, CO? just let me know. otherwise, i won't indulge myself. please say something
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